i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
