I met the friendliest cop last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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