At least make sure they are 18
Why
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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