i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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