just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize