I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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