sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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