I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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