I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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