I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
