my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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