bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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