even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
