Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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