i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
