Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
