now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
