On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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