just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
