I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Come on in and take your pants off
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