Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
