Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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