when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
