Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
