I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
