Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize