I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
