I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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