oh god the rape fog is back!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
