there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
