Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
