hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
