My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
