She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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