Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
