susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
