I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
