i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
