this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
