You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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