we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
