A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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