Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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