i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
what the fuck happened to the tacos
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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