xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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