Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
