Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
