I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
