I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
