she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
