i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
