Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
