She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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