I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
