Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
