you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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