In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
These tits shall not be calmed
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