whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
