oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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