You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
