What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
