What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I puked a lego.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
