Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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