two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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