It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How's work?
Spinning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
