I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
