At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
