Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
